Only Believe

Last week while in the temple, I read Mark chapter 5. In it, Jesus completes three miracles. in each of these miracles, the people Christ helped were in dire circumstances. First, a man was essentially insane because he was possessed by a legion of devils. Then on the way to heal a man's daughter, another woman was healed of a life-long disease. He then continued on to raise the man's daughter from the dead. While Christ obviously had the power to do these things no matter what, He could not have done so if the people he healed did not believe in Him. Even the devils knew and recognized His power. The woman knew that if she merely touched His clothes and believed it would would work, she could be healed. And the parents of the daughter had to have faith, even when at the depths of despair after losing a cherished daughter, that Christ could in fact bring her back to them. For me this would be so hard. To have so much faith and hope that my sorrow was overcome? It's amazing that these two individuals had that strength. But I think something Christ said to them helped them. In verse 36 He says, " Be not afraid, only believe." How often do we allow our fears to get in the way of our faith? I know I struggle with that. But the solution is so simple. Only believe. Have faith and trust that Heavenly Father knows so much more than we do. He has so much power to bless and will do so if we do what He asks, even when to us it seems like we aren't receiving any blessings at all. He can do all things and we should not question it, only believe. 

Life Lesson #1: Believe in God and believe in Christ. 

Now as I have been thinking about this and entering finals week, I have realized that there is another part to these scriptures. This semester has been a hard one for me. I have often doubted my abilities at work, in school, and in other situations. For a while I thought I was going to fail a class, have to retake it, be here another few semesters because of it, and essentially never graduate. (catastrophizing, I know.) But some things I have read and heard from some friends has helped me to realize that I can't simply believe in God, but I must believe in myself. I can't hold back the gifts my Heavenly Father has given me. I can't let the fear of failing prevent me from becoming who I was meant to be. Because Heavenly Father won't just magically do things for me, but rather will grant me the knowledge, strength, and comfort I need to accomplish the tasks ahead of me. Heavenly Father has trusted me with so much, so why shouldn't I trust myself? Obviously, He knew I could do it. I have the ability to do all things through Him, through Christ and His Atonement. But I can't do it unless I believe I can. Each of us can accomplish great things if we know we can do it.

Life Lesson #2: Believe in and trust yourself.

Pretty sure this is one of the keys to being happy in life. Believe in God. Believe in yourself. Do your best, and if you fail, believe that you can learn from it and succeed next time. Believe in the Atonement, for it can truly heal us of all sins, heartaches, and failures. Believe in your strengths and in the Spiritual Gifts God has given you. Most importantly, believe that God loves you and wants you to succeed. 

Only Believe. 

Everlasting Love

 Don't be fooled by the title. I don't plan on rambling on about some silly romance or chick flick or anything of the sort. :) The other day, my bestie and I were driving home from the temple and discussing what we had learned and realized while pondering in the baptistery. Obviously, For me it was that I needed to live up to my potential better. And one thing that I know my Heavenly Father expects of me is that I be a kind and loving servant, helping Him bless His other children. Which is not something I feel that I have been particularly good at lately. So, I decided in my scripture reading that week to read about charity. Wow! I learned so much from this! First of all, I now better understand what charity is. According to Mormon in his letter to his son (in Moroni 8:17), charity is in fact perfect and everlasting love. This means that it is absolutely, 100% unconditional. As most of you probably know, charity is typically described as the pure love of Christ. If you think about it, these two definitions are the same. Christ will never ever stop loving you and I no matter what we do. Likewise, if I want to be like Him, I must have unconditional love for those around me. That means no matter how irritated or hurt or jealous I get because of someone else, I should always look for the good in those people, because there is ALWAYS something good about everyone. Something else I learned about charity in my readings was found in 2 Nephi 26:29-30. This basically says that priestcraft is when people "set themselves up for a light unto the world" and do everything that they may gain something. The next verse helped me to realize that this is the very opposite of charity. If I do something to impress someone else or because I want something, I am too focused on myself. But rather, I should do things because I know it will help someone else. Lastly I read the classic verse about charity in Moroni 7: 45: 

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinkieth no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

As I thought about it, I thought, "Can I replace the word 'charity' with my own name? Am I kind? Do I suffer long and envieth not?" and it was a wake up call because I didn't really feel like I was particularly strong in any of those categories. so now as I walk through campus I try to think of how much Heavenly Father loves me and look and someone else and realize that He loves this perfect stranger too. If that perfect being loves him, why can't I? So rather than judging I have been trying instead to remember that and try to feel that love as well. I am no where near good at this. I still sometimes look at others and judge them based on their clothes, the people they are with, the things they are doing, but I am trying hard to ask myself, "are you being kind?" This is a hard thing to do but it has already made me a happier person. I have a long way to go, but I know that if I continue to try to see the good in others, I will better be able to see the good in life and be happier because of it. And isn't that what we are here for? :)

Look Forward

The other day I was walking to work and thinking about a lot of things. At one point I began balancing on a curb. I was struck with the realization that as I looked down right in front of me or down at my feet, I began to wobble and had to step down off the curb. But, as I looked up and forward towards the end of the curb, I could stay on course, even though the curb was a little curvy. Many of you can probably relate to a similar phenomenon while driving a car. But as I walked along this curb, I realized that it is a lot like life. the road may be a little windey, and if we focus on that bend in the road and forget to think about all we have in store in the future, we're gonna fall off. BUT if we look forward toward our end goal, it becomes surprisingly easy to stay balanced. It is important to live life in the present rather than the past, but isn't it just as bad to forget about the future? If we become so stuck on the here and now, it is sometimes harder to be happy, especially if the here and now means a lot of difficulty and heartache. We get so wrapped in trying to figure out what to do with out lives right now, that the bug picture is overlooked. I am definitely someone who does this a lot. I think that because great things aren't happening for me right now, that they never will. However, I know that my Heavenly Father has given me promises I can count on and He will take care of me. And I have so much time left and so many opportunities to live through! I was thinking of some things like these and some other things I am going through as I read my scriptures the other day and ran across Alma 36:3:

"And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their ^atrust in God shall be supported in their ^btrials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be ^clifted up at the last day."

In a previous seminary class, I had crossed out the words "O my son Helaman" and replaced them with "daughter" and my own name. For me, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like Heavenly Father was saying to me personally, "Kazhia. You are still young and you just need to trust that I know what is coming for you and I am in control." Which is a scary thing to do. To just blindly trust that things will work out. That there is a being so omnipotent that He knows exactly what is coming up in my life and knows that I can handle it. But its true. I have felt His love and influence enough in my life to know that  He knows when and where the best timing and place is for me to experience everything. I am so excited to live though everything He has in store for me. I still get to go through the temple and learn so much from those ordinances. I have the opportunity to vicariously partake of those ordinances for my ancestors. I get to someday be sealed to a loving husband (who is still somewhere out there, unknown to me. Haha), and I will get to receive the blessing of raising some of Heavenly Father's beloved children as my own and watch their lives pan out. And there are so many other things that the Lord has in store for me. Probably death and illness, more heartache on the way to finding that E.C. (haha excuse my Provo abbreviations..), financial struggles, loss of friends, and so many other yet to be had trials. But I look forward, even to these events in my life. Because I know I won't be living through them alone. I have so many amazing people that surround me. I have an entire family who wants me to be happy. And in top of all this I have my Savior who lived and died that I might be able to share in His joy someday. Why look down at my feet when I could see all these amazing lessons I get to learn in the future? Basically, I like to think of the quote from Walt Disney. Of course its the one at the end of Meet the Robinsons (love it!):

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. Wekeep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

I hope that I can continue to face my challenges with this attitude. Without looking backward, but forward, my eyes set on my goals with the courage to dive into new things and to do the hard things that will teach me the most. I can't wait to see what new paths I will find! Life is so good!

The Heart of Life

"Pain throws your heart to the ground" "No it won't all go the way it should" "Bad news never had good timing." These are facts of life. Sometimes we experience crippling pain, physical or emotional, that makes us feel like we can never move on. Things usually go in the complete opposite direction we expect them to go in, and bad things happen when we think things couldn't get much worse. But sometimes need to "turn off our tears and listen" for all the blessings we have. (Sorry about all my cheesy quotes!) The heart of life is simply good. The essentials of this gospel are sweet and can mend the most broken heart and the most torn apart life. People at their core have good intentions and amazing potential. Heavenly Father has blessed us with so much to keep us happy even as we go through this world of turmoil and heartache. We have the truth! We have hope and prophets and scriptures! We have families, though they are often imperfect in this life, that we can hope to perfect and complete in the next life. Heavenly Father will take care of all of His children and make sure we are all as happy as we allow ourselves to be. We all have "circles of friends" to point out the silver lining to us. Listen to them! We will be so much happier in this life if we choose to see that silver lining rather than the dark clouds we have to suffer through to get to it. And yes that is a conscious choice we can each make. Sometimes it can take a long time to come to that decision. And that is ok! Sometimes we have a right to cry and get our sorrows off our chest, but then we have to keep pressing forward and choosing to be happy. Then there's the final line of the song I want to talk about: "Fear is a friend that's misunderstood." Just because we are afraid doesn't mean we should let that fear overwhelm us and stop us from doing what we need to do and being who we need to be. The scariest things we do in this life are often the best for us! For me its change. It is really hard to change but I always come out of it a better person, because I allowed that change to take place. And in the end life can be happy. We all go through our different types of struggles that are just as difficult for us as another person's trials are for them. But I know that my happiness, like my faith, is something that no one ever ever can take away from me. And I know that deep down, people are good and this life was meant for each of us to discover that decency within one another. I know the heart of life is good. :) (Hopefully you're used to it by now, but again, please forgive my cheesiness!)   

Hope

Anyone who knows me knows that I love The Lord of the Rings. But tonight when I was watching the Two Towers with my fantastic coworkers, something said by the insightful Samwise meant more to me than normal.

"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something." 

Frodo then asks, "What are we holding on to, Sam?" to which Sam responds, "That there's something good in the world Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

Our story is one that matters. Our lives are always full of darkness, and a lot of times, the only ending I can see is definitely not a happy ending. However, our times of shadow will pass. Bad happens in the world everyday to people I know and care for and even more to millions that I am not even aware of. How are we supposed to  press forward and be good people and raise a new generation of good people in this world of awfulness? Sam knew the answer. Find something to hold on to. See the good in the world and realize that the good does make this life worth living. Don't ever turn back. Keep going. So what we really need to do in this life is find something to hold on to. For me its family all the way, present and future. I love my family now so much and want them to be safe and happy. I want them to love and learn and grow together. And that is worth fighting for. I want my future home to be dedicated to living righteously so we can be happy. Which is absolutely worth fighting every day to become better myself for them. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is worth fighting for. Through the Atonement of Christ we are able to overcome all things. All sins, annoyances, weaknesses, hardships, and everything. Having Heavenly Father in my life helps me keep going. All these things and so much more help me see the good in the world. All around me I see friends and family and bishoprics and random people everywhere striving to become better people and to make a difference in the world for good. I mean, just look out your window and look at the miracles of nature that surround us, or at our own bodies that preform hundreds of millions of functions all the time. Somebody sure loves us a whole lot to give us all these amazing blessings. These things give me hope. In the hardest of times, stop and take a look at the good in the world and find something that is worth fighting for. Take heart, for "even darkness must pass." Don't quit. Things will work out so just be happy in the mean time and always, always have hope for something better.

Preparation

Sometimes in life we get that little "Aha" moment when we finally realize why things happened the way they did. When we think to ourselves, "Why, Heavenly Father really knows what's up." Well, I feel like I have had a lot of those recently. I realized that just about everything I have done in my life for the past year has been preparing me for my life right now. I suppose life is always like that, but it feels especially important right now. For instance, like most unmarried girls approaching the age of 21, I felt a lot of the whole, "well if you're not married, why not go on a mission?" thing. However, I knew that that just was not what I was supposed to do with my life at the moment and now I am so so glad that I am here, so close to my friends and family and I understand one of the reasons why I need to keep living life here not serving the Lord elsewhere. Also, I struggled a lot the past two semesters. And it always seemed like just the silliest things. I couldn't understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Fall semester, I was quite bluntly reminded of all the weaknesses I have and realized I have SO far to go in my life. And because I was humbled then I was able to really work on those weaknesses while remaining humble and trusting the Lord which is something I REALLY need to do right now. Then winter semester, I was just stuck in this rut for weeks and weeks and could not figure out why I wasn't happier and why I wasn't improving. (I know it sounds like I'm getting all Negative Nancy, but here comes the good part.) But I got a few blessings that completely turned around my perspective and gave me such amazing advice and insight on how my Heavenly Father views me as a person, which also taught me how He views all of us here which has been an amazing help in my life right now. Basically what I am trying to say is that we don't have any clue what is going on in our lives. We  could be living one way and then out of nowhere everything gets turned around in a way we never would have seen coming. BUT there are a few people who can see around those corners (or "just around the river bend" as my good friend Pocahontas would say) and those people are (of course) Heavenly Father and our Savior. They know what is coming up for us even when we have no idea and so why on earth do we even try to argue with what He has planned for us? Why do we try to rely on what we think is best and stress and worry ourselves to death about it?? Obviously, we have to make a plan for our lives and do our best but life becomes so much easier when we simply turn ourselves over to Him and trust that He will take care of us. Ask Him for help and rest easy knowing that if we continue to try to draw nearer to Him, he's going to prepare us for what is ahead. And a lot of times that preparation comes through other trials. I am so so grateful for all the trials I have had leading up to right now in my life and I know that (almost) the only reason I went through them at all was because Heavenly Father knew that I would need those lessons later on. And He knew that because I have a Savior who has already gone through that for me. And I know that if I put my trust in Him right now and look for lessons I can learn from this part of my life, someday I can look back and say the same thing about trials know. We are so lucky to have rough patches in our lives. :) Because we can do hard things! :)

We Are Amazing!

I don't know about anyone else, but I know that lately I have heard lots of people hatin on themselves lately and I'm not gonna lie, I feel that way a lot too. And its making me CRAZY!! How often do we feel like we try our best and keep trying and trying and then finally just give up because we think we can't. We think we are too weak, too impatient, too lazy, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough. Well, I guess I just want to say that I hate this! Do you think that our loving Heavenly Father would encourage that kind of thinking in any of his children? No. And guess what that means? It actually comes from Satan. That crazy brother of ours who wants nothing more than to take away all hope of happiness, all faith in goodness, and all confidence in oneself. And why do we listen to him? Here is what I am thinking. We all have this insanely amazing potential. We were bright hopeful spirits before we came to this earth. We were like little children. You look at them and know that they can grow up to be anything and everything they want. But if we remembered what we were like then, this life would be no challenge whatsoever. If we only remember a small amount of our own divine heritage, there is no way we could have any self doubt or any question that Heavenly Father loves us beyond measure, no matter what we look like, no matter how we feel about ourselves. The ONLY reason we ever feel bad about ourselves is because Satan makes us forget who we are. Don't forget who you are. And that is an amazing child of an infinite King and Creator of the entire Universe! How amazing is it that that is our heritage??

Also, I LOVE all the talks recently by Elder Carl B. Cook about looking UP! his most recent one in the January ensign especially says we should look up rather than sideways. This is so profound. Everyone is different. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, academically, and in so many other ways. It is so silly to compare ourselves to other people. I should what other people are doing affect how you look at yourself? And who cares what other people think of you? If you are doing what is right for you and you are happy and someone else is going to think you are crazy for it, so what? Sometimes you gotta focus on yourself and no one else. It doesn't matter what others think of you, but what you and Heavenly Father thinks of you. Look up, not sideways. Because really, the only opinion that really matters in this life is His. And if he is pleased with you, you will know it and you will be happy! And knowing that He is proud of you is better than any feeling in the world. So it doesn't matter if one person you know is way ahead of you and someone else a little behind, because it doesn't matter so much where we are now, because no one is perfect. What really counts is the direction we are headed in. So if you are striving to become better in anything at all, THAT is what really counts. So make some goals, pray for help, and work on it. Even if you don't do it all right away, that's ok. Because Heavenly Father understands and will give you the strength to try harder and do better the next time. No matter how many times we fall down, he is always there to pick us back up, and even carry us when we need it. And if we are working towards SOMETHING, no matter how small or big it is, we can be happy. And that is why life is wonderful and we are all so amazing! We have the potential to change and be happy through all our faults!
I love this life!
PS- this was mostly a little pep talk to myself, so sorry if I went a little crazy there! It is also the middle of the night, so I am just hoping it makes sense. Hahaha